Catching the collapse
- Cee
- Mar 15, 2022
- 3 min read
Restraint collapse when it happens and some tips on how to support it....
There are all sorts of meltdowns through life, from birth until our last days on this planet. Emotional outpourings are natural and are part of our make-up as humans . Meltdowns happen to EVERYONE. However they do happen a lot more to the neuro-diverse community.
There are so many types of emotional responses and meltdowns, but in todays post I am going to spotlight on our experience and the things that helped us with 'restraint collapse'.
Restraint collapse happens often when your little person has been holding themselves together in a pressure environment. Be it at school or any place where your child feels that they have to mask or hide their true feelings - so restraining themselves.
Tip #1 - Structured Snack
For years I wondered why in the car on the way back from school, the simplest thing would result in the most almighty meltdown. We would literally be pulling out of the car park and one comment would be like lighting a fuse on dynamite.
The strategy that we put in place might sound really simple and something that most parents already do - but it was a game changer for us:
1) Snack and drink waiting on car seat - EVERYDAY.
2) A couple of 'open' daily questions - Who was your favourite friend to play with? What was the favourite learning from today? Who made you laugh the most? etc
3) Audio book that they have chosen ready to go
If you don't have a car journey to and from school, then the restraint collapse might be saved for the walk or when they reach their safe place - HOME!
For the walk, try number 1 and 2 and also maybe some sort of game on the way ... the classic 'eye-spy' or imaginary Secret Agents... planning and re-direction can help prevent or at least delay a restraint collapse explosion.
Tip #2 - Calm down box
Now for the delayed restraint collapse which mostly happens at home...
So everything seems to be stable and the volatility wasn't released on the way back to the 'safe zone'. In fact, your darling little one has been quietly getting on with it, that was until you said ... "Two more minutes, then the TV is off" or "We are just popping to the shops." or even "Let's get the paints out!" ...Well to be honest, you could have said absolutely anything to trigger the explosion, which has been held so tightly in since they left school or the other pressured situation.
There are so many bits of amazing advice on how to support these moments, and I plan to explore more in future posts - but for now here are the top 3 that worked for us:
1) Box of Calm - literally a box full of distraction, softy, fiddle toys, bubbles, favourite snack, colouring pages...etc
2) Push the Wall with all your body weight - count to 10
3) Yoga cube - (something like https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/134404370117354008/ worked well sometimes)
Tip #3 - Quiet & Calm Den
When the volcano has erupted, it is so important that your little one knows that they have a safe space just for them to "feel" all of their emotions. We were guided towards making a 'Quiet & Calm Den'. It doesn't have to be a big space, but fill it with soft blankets, favourite cuddly, maybe even giving it a roof - making it appealing for them to retreat to find calm.
There are so many helpful articles online about this .... I like the additional ideas about managing restraint collapse that are shared in this great one written stateside -
Remember the meltdown is a moment and it will pass...
These big emotions come out, but your little one is still in there.
I found the biggest restraint collapses happened pre-diagnosis and when self-esteem was very low.
Hang in there! - you will find the strategies that work for you.
Comments