Flexibility
- Cee
- Jun 27, 2022
- 2 min read
Life with a neuro-diverse family member can mean plans change often and change quickly.
I am a planner - I love a list, organisation and like most people, if my plans get disrupted I find it really hard to process. This is something that I have had to work on, especially as life with my son does not often go to plan (if ever!), so it's all about flexibility.
We often have to attend ad-hoc appointments, give additional support for the T1D at a moments notice, be there for the emotional fall out as he has restraint collapse most days and the current phase is hyper-fixation on what to spend pocket money on - so there are daily negotiations which can consume a whole day.
Find out what works for you:
+ I use a daily planner which also has weekly goals and yes, I often find myself adding tasks that I have already completed to that days list. I also draw a side arrow for the tasks I didn't get to that day, which can sometimes be most of them. The feeling of seeing accomplishment when there are ticks is a real motivator.
I have tried loads, but this planner is my favourite so far....
+ Give yourself permission to change plans and move deadlines. Stress levels are already up, so although your capacity has grown because you are bloody awesome and have been dealing with a lot, it also means that the 'helpful!' hormone cortisol can dominate and leave you feeling overwhelm and anxious. Giving yourself permission to move the goal posts is a great a way to release some pressure and it does not mean failure. It just means you are being flexible.
+ As well as liking an action plan, I also really love to feel like I am achieving and progressing in 'life', so I really struggled with not feeling like I was not moving forward with anything! In reality I was keeping some pretty valuable plates spinning but the measure of success is different. Be kind to yourself.
Acceptance
With everything else on this journey, accepting that curveballs are a bit more present in your life now than they used to be is a good starting point...
It might be something as simple as the selected outfit was too scratchy, the peas might be too round, the sofa might feel funny, the restaurant might be too dark, the room to noisy, bright, etc....
Embracing flexibility can help navigate the challenges whilst cushioning yourself a bit.
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